May...always a crazy month, every single year. This year is no different. But it so is.

I am done with school. DONE! Two years, over, Masters Degree accomplished, and a new job lined up.

(oh, but it should be.)

And boy what a long ordeal and a painful wait that was...but God is so good/faithful/amazing. The story is nothing short of a miracle. A well planned gift. Here is that story, as told to a good friend via email...

So i must tell of God's glory....because I made Him too small. The story i'm about to tell is not the one I thought i'd be relaying to you about my job situation. But it's so much better....

About mid April, when we last talked at length, I had planned to tell you of the wonderful job that the Lord has blessed me with within a matter of days; I thought I'd be rejoicing over the very job i'd been seeking for several months to no avail. I had heard back from the department that HR was going to send an offer letter soon, and I was sure that my months of waiting, praying, seeking His will on where I would be living and where I would be working next would be answered within DAYS. Heck... hours even. I was so excited. 

Alas, it was not to work out that way. Now, know that i am not a gifted writer like yourself, and my ability to tell all of the necessary details, and build the proper amount of tension within those details is not as finely honed a skill as your own. But here is the quick background and quick synopsis: I was on pins and needles. I had prayed for an answer about a job, and eventually I had one that was a very good offer and near my family, and God told me, "Turn it down. Wait. See what i will do." ...so without a second offer even on the table, i turned down job #1. And waited. A place where i had been an intern told me "we would love to hire you. Come interview, and we will make it happen." So i did. And it was a fantastic interview, and I left thinking "MAN...this is the job for me!" 

But i waited. and waited. And there were snags after snags and roadblocks/red tape galore, and every time i heard from them, it was a more complicated story. I was a new grad who was ELIGIBLE for the certification exam, but I had not yet taken it. I was the department's choice, but HR could not get it worked out. it was torturous, and I cannot explain the amount of agony I was in. Waiting day after day. Hearing "maybe today it will come through" from the head of the laboratory one day, and "well, we have to do such in such first and that person is out today" almost daily for a while. All knowing that my lease is ending, and without employment or at least an offer letter, i cannot renew my contract or even move into another one in the area. Frightening. 

Um...yes. THIS. But with two rings of fire.

And then, God moved. In a big way. It started off an an unexpected blessing. I was offered contract work to "make ends meet" while i waited for the real offer, and i have to tell you, it was a battle deciding if i was messing up my chances to get hired by moving my own potential start date back further and further, but I needed the money, so i took it. I worked 14 hr days for weeks, doing everything i could to keep it all afloat, and still was on pins and needles over hearing when i would finally get the offer i'd been waiting on. But it never came. False promises did come and go, and the character of some of the people i was going to be working with reared an ugly side at one point... but that is too much to go into... because the kicker is this:

I was told to wait, all the while going back and forth between giving it to God and having a heart of hope/trust/happiness and literally crying my eyes out asking if i'd waited long enough because i was so stressed out and worried that i'd not made the right decision after all to turn down a perfectly good job the first time around. But our God is faithful. And he provides. Because in a week's time, just last week, God moved mountains. And not where i thought they'd be. 

The place where i was doing contract work offered me a job out of the blue. They had no need for a full time position when i started because i was merely doing fill-in work for the people on vacation, and they told me as such up front. But it turns out, i was working for one of the guys who was using his vacation to interview elsewhere and NO ONE knew it!!! He accepted a position, resigned, and in the same breath recommended me for the job. I got it within days. DAYS. A real offer letter, and so many signs and signals from Our Provider that they COULD NOT BE IGNORED that THIS... THIS was the reason He had told me to wait. Not the other job at all. I had pleaded with God to get the right people where they needed to be in HR so that the other job (#2) could hurry up and be where it needed to be...and He was steadily roadblocking it so that job #3 had time to work out more perfectly than i could ask or imagine. I am BLOWN AWAY. Literally, on my face, then happy dance, then crying BLOWN AWAY at it all. 

OK... so no job is perfect, but come on. Awesome.

So now, i have a job. And not just a good job. Not just an offer i thought would be good for me, but a perfect fit. Where i needed to be.... and it didn't even exist a month ago. How is that for miracles and amazing news? All in good time, my friend. He sees all. He knows what we need even when we beg for "good things" He gives us better. I love Him for that. And i had to share. 

THIS. This made my day today. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-17564941

Seriously... imagine pulling over a dude dressed as Batman, driving a car with nothing but the bat-symbol as a license plate. That cop had to be laughing all day long, and hey, things worked out ok for everyone! I just hope his story about doing it "for the kids" was true... What a wonderful weirdo. :)

Welcome to my insanity-land

OK, so it's been a while since i wrote. I know. And to top it off, this post is going to be BORING, with no pictures or even a glimpse of humor. I don't have the ability for that crap at this time. If you're out there, and looking to find a cool blog to join, this isn't going to be the one. Sorry 'bout that, but you can go here --> http://www.babewalker.com/ if you need some sarcastic funny blog-love, or maybe here if you need a sweet treat to make you drool -->http://www.confessionsofacookbookqueen.com/ , cause those things aren't on the menu here today, folks.

But if you're still here after that, well, i guess you can keep reading, you poor soul.

So, i haven't written. why? well, I blame Pinterst. And school. And working part time in addition to a full-time internship. (..but mostly Pinterest.) Because, you see, i don't want to do anymore writing lately. I want to mindlessly look at pictures and dream. And if there is a thought in my head that doesn't pertain to actually accomplishing an essay, finishing a poster, finishing a study guide, making a to-do list, etc... well, i just haven't had time for it. Or at least not the energy/will/desire to do it. Not even cakes. And i love all things cake.

But i am pretty sure i'm going crazy without an outlet for my writing. I'm irrational and angry and kinda a full-blown madwoman recently in an attempt to finish things and get life in order. What a mess. Now, I claim to be a lover of all things "Adventure," but when it abounds in shocking in-your-face reality, i want a little less adventure and a little more mundane. Classic whiner, I know.

This year will be the third year in a row that the hubby and I will be in a weird state of flux in Spring, generally from all of April to the end of June. All of May is going to be insanity, and you think i'd be a little more used to it now. My internship is finally coming to a close, which is fantastic, but i would have to say that while I'm READY for it to be over, I'm definitely not PREPARED.  Those are so totally different things, I've discovered. While I'm ready to get out into the working world and be done with school, i have a terrible case of the Lazies lately, while at the same time having so much to do that I feel like a stone rolling downhill. I just want a mental/physical break... time to reconnect and unwind instead of always being so amped up. I want to know if I'm going to be hired. I want to know where we're going to live. I want to know how we are going to make any of it happen. ...i want a lot, i know, i know. It's true.

And in the midst of it all, i have had conversations with people that really got me thinking about myself and how i'm handling it all, because people have actually told me to "stop freaking out." Which i normally tell other people, not vice versa. So, i'm changing things up a bit... first of all, even in the midst of it, i can make time for me to chill out and breathe.  ...Now, i can't technically keep the husband from worrying and running around like a loony while i'm chilling, because so far i have not figured out what magic will make that happen, but i can make the choice for myself. And i don't have to feel like a horrible person for worrying when i do get overwhelmed... because i always hit this worry/guilt cycle that goes a lot like this:

OMG, i have no idea what i'm going to do...how do i handle it all? what is going to happen? how should i prepare? have i done enough??? *flies off the handle and does crazy stuff* (...followed by:) I am such a bad person. A bad Christian, too. I obviously have no faith, and no belief in His goodness or His plan. What is my problem? I shouldn't worry so much; that is weak. I must be weak. I'm not a good person. Maybe i should just do something. ANYTHING. *flies off the handle and does crazy stuff* (aaaand then a cycle back.)

Yeah. So, that has to stop.Cause lately i've totally ripped people a new one (random strangers included), or caused friends pain over remarks i've made without even thinking, or just ignored friends outright because i'm too involved with myself to deal with their issues. Self absorbed much? yep. *sigh* 

So, first step? Back to writing. Because maybe I will be able to see a little more clearly when I'm looking at myself through my own words, and less likely to use those words in a way that could be harmful to others. The second step is taking a cue from my friend Mandy, who listens to me and lets me be insane without judgement, and choose to embrace JOY. Just remembering that it is ok to scream while on the ride, but that just remembering that i'm buckled in, and holding on, and it WILL be alright. I wont die. (And if i do, it will be a lot easier, right?) So... i'm going to go find my big girl panties and put them on right now. And then i'm going to embrace the crazy, and breathe.